Today marks one month that we broke up. Oh how I wish I had stopped thinking about how we should make it till today. But honestly, the way I handled my break up was better than the previous relationship. I still can eat and sleep and go to work without thinking much about it. I do cry sometimes. I accept the fact I still miss him sometimes and how things could be different or how things couldn't be changed.
Separating with him has taught me what I actually need in a relationship. At this age, 28, I am hoping for a simple peaceful and healthy relationship. Being with someone that I can respect and appreciate. Being with someone who will not tolerate my mistakes and take it to heart and distance away because he is hurting. I'd like to be with someone that still appreciate my love to him. Fight a lot because things should be communicated and understood.
Hakim wasn't at fault to not able to give me what I need and I wasn't at fault to ask for what I need. Say, I tell him I really want to eat mango but he can only gets me watermelon. Does it make him bad person for not giving me mango that I want ? No. He was meant to give me something else when I need differently. That doesn't make me mad for asking things also, I just have to ask the right person.
Aunty June called this morning, I was scared to pick up so I called her back. Like I expected, he didn't tell Aunty June about our break up. And I had to tell her, because she was asking if I'm not going out today because Hakim is on off day. I really don't want to be the person to tell her. I haven't even tell Mama or Ika or Kodek that we broke up. But it was good to talk to someone about it. I couldn't help to cry and oh god my cracky voices. I pity myself. Lol. Eh the fact Aunty had tell me about his old girlfriend is non-muslim I was annoyed because that is not the information that I needed at the moment, and now I am mad for nothing.
I don't wish to be with Hakim anymore, well deep down is I wanted to, but I now realised what I need in a relationship. Hakim will be with someone that can accept him for he is. And I will be with someone that can gives me my simple and peaceful and healthy relationship. I am taking things slowly because I don't want to get hurt so much. Crazy how I thought I could handle be just fine and nonchalantly go with my life like nothing happens. It was okay until it gets to the point when it triggers me and things had reminded me of him. I was okay because I avoid the path that reminds me of him. That is why.