i want to die or maybe i dont want to but the pain is not bearable. this is no the kind of pain that i want. i get really scared of everything that will make me feel like a shit. i dont want to feel that kind of bullshit ever gain because it was sakit like hell. im fucking hate myself for being so pathetic. padan muka me. to be really honest, i am desperate to have someone that i can love. the reason i want to wake up in the morning with a stupid smile im going to wear the entire day because everything is fine because there is him. i dont mind cross the mud or go through hell with him as long as he stays and would never give up on me. i dont care if he didnt get paid enough or less than me, or has no car or wealth. i dont give a fuck at all. if i love i just love as what he is. i love those feelings. to have someone i can fight for. because that is reassurance to persuade me that i am not going to be alone. because being adopted makes me feel that everything is temporary and everybody is going to abandon me because they have no reason to stay anyway, like who the fuck am i ? bitch i am nobody. i believe they wont, but deep inside that is what im scared of.